Almost fell of my bike, wasps n' knickers, and a GREAT day!!
Posted: Thu Oct 15, 2015 4:52 pm
Was following a silver Vauxhall Corsa for couple of miles. 2 people in the car...both female, window halfway down on the drivers side and I could hear the music booming despite the "2 second rule" and the noise of the VTR.
Before we got near the town, the car shot across the white line. Then suddenly came back online and then almost mounted the grass verge. Passenger was jumping up and down, then the passenger door opened and closed again - at 60mph.
I thought they had a puncture, but all tyres looked ok from where I was. I dropped back a bit more.
Then the white smoke from the tyres, as she slammed on the brakes, stalled it, both doors flung open, and both got out of the car as if the thing was on fire. Which it wasn't.
I jammed my brakes on and pulled up sharply behind them. By this time, they had both legged it about 50 yards away from the car, both hysterical.
The big deal?
A wasp flew in the window.
They panicked and tried to "shoo" it out with a magazine. Then the passenger freaked out as the wasp landed above her knee and she thought it would go up her skirt. She tried to flick it with the mag, but accidentally pressed it down and it stung her (which made her panic more).
Shortly after, the wasp went to the drivers side and landed in the "shelf" of the clocks, the driver panicked (trying to keep control of the car, with a screaming (and in tears) passenger) and decided the best course of action would be to get out of the car - quickly.
I walked to the car, checked inside, and saw no wasp. Probably now gone, due to both doors being wide open. I advised the driver to get the car off the road.
I asked the "stingee" if she was ok, or is she allergic to wasp or bee stings. She didn't know. But I said if she was, then she'd not be talking. "Ever been stung before?" "No", she said. Told her to relax (if possible) take deep breaths and calm down before she starts hyperventilating.
You could clearly see the sting area. Almost midway between her knee and her "secret bits", slightly inside of her left thigh. OO 'ECK.
I said "vinegar is the best thing for a wasp sting, as it almost instantly takes away the pain. And, it just so happens that, (if you don't mind), I have vinegar sachets in my backpack (that I carry extra if I'm out for a chip run"). She said she didn't believe me, but her driver friend said yes, it was. So, it was a yes, as it bl00dy hurts. Sat her down, 2 vinegar sachets ripped open, soaked into a folded tissue, and I pressed it over the stung area. Told her to keep it pressed whilst I rip open a couple more.
Very nice lass (in her mid 30s probably), very short skirt (more like a belt with a hem), and couldn't help but keep noticing the sky blue knickers. Legs up to her neck it seemed. (in my head, I'm repeating the words "bl00dy 'ell", "where a Go-Pro chest rig when I need one?"....).
All I could say was "if anyone asks why you smell of vinegar in that area, for gods sake tell them what happened. As I don't want to be on Crimewatch as a pervert who has a fetish for soaking girls legs in vinegar at the side of country roads". But she didn't take it the wrong way. After getting back on me bike, I almost crashed the bike, cos I started laughing so hard my eyes were running and I couldn't see a thing. I had to pull over again.
I think if it was a toss up between farting about in bad light getting oily with a guys chain, or a sunny afternoon at the side of the road, pressing a tissue onto a lassies inner thigh with more on view than there should be, I don't think it's a difficult choice to make....
All in all, a good day. Got fed and watered at me favourite café, hammered the bike well into 3 figures, and then ended up tackling a single figure.
it certainly paid off this time 
