Redneck letter, (borrowed from another forum)

[alec]

Dear Billy Jo,

I'm writin' this real slow cause I know you can't read very fast.
We don't live where we did when you left.
We read in the paper that most accidents happen within ten miles of home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you our new address cause the last family that lived here took the house numbers with them so they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place has a washing machine.
The first day mama put four shirts in, pulled the chain and we ain't seen them since. ...
It only rained here twice this week.
Three days the first time and five days the second time.
I know it is cold where you are so we're sending you a coat.
Mama said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with them buttons on it, so we cut'em off and put'em in the pockets.
We got a letter from the funeral home.
They said if we don't make the last payment on grandma's funeral bill, up she comes!!
My sister had a baby this morning. I ain't heard whether if's a boy or a girl so I don't know if I'm an uncle or an aunt. Uncle John fell in the big whiskey vat.
When they tried to pull him out, he fought them off, so he drowned. We creamated him and he burned for three days.
Three of my friends went off the bridge in a pick-up truck. One was driving, the other two was in the back.
The driver got out cause he rolled down the window and swam to safety.
The other two drowned, they couldn't get the tailgate down. Well, I hope this catches you up on things that's going on around here!!

Your cuz, Bubba