<< > Here are some genuine logged maintenance complaints by QANTAS pilots
and the corrective action recorded by mechanics.
> >
> > By the way, QANTAS is the only major airline that has never had an
accident.
> >
> > P stands for the problem the pilots entered in the log, and S stands
for the corrective action taken by the service mechanics.
> >
> > P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
> > S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
> >
> > P: Test flight OK, except auto land very rough.
> > S: Auto land not installed on this aircraft.
> >
> > P: Something loose in cockpit.
> > S: Something tightened in cockpit.
> >
> > P: Dead bugs on windshield.
> > S: Live bugs on backorder.
> >
> > P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
> > S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
> >
> > P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
> > S: Evidence removed.
> >
> > P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
> > S: DME volume set to more believable level.
> >
> > P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
> > S: That's what they're there for!
> >
> > P: IFF inoperative.
> > S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
> >
> > P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
> > S: Suspect you're right.
> >
> > P: Number 3 engine missing. (Note: this was for a piston-engined airplane;
> > the pilot meant the engine was not running smoothly)
> > S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
> >
> > P: Aircraft handles funny.
> > S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
> >
> > P: Radar hums.
> > S: Reprogrammed radar with words.
> >
> > P: Mouse in cockpit.
> > S: Cat installed
> >