Crap Jokes: 394.5

[TheGingerBeardMan]

Two old women are sitting in a cafe.

Margaret says to Ethel, "Did you come on the bus today?"

Ethel replies, "Yes...but I made it look like an asthma attack."

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My dog kept getting up in the middle of the night and setting the house alarm off...

My wife told me to disable it, so I broke its legs with a golf club.

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A really old lady visits the dentist.

She sits in the chair, lowers her pants & lifts her legs in the air.

''I"m not a Gynocologist!!" says the dentist.

The pensioner replies: "I Know. I want you to take my husbands teeth out"

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Stephen Hawking has one of the best memories around.

Apparently, it cost £1500 from PC World.

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A bloke walks into a pub with an octopus and says, "This is a very talented octopus. I"ll give £500 to anyone who has an instrument the octopus can't play."

A guy walks up with a guitar:

The octopus takes the guitar and plays it like Jimmy Hendrix.

Another guy walks up with a trumpet. The octopus plays the trumpet like Dizzy Gillespie.

A third guy walks up with a set of bag pipes.

The octopus fumbles with it, and then sets it down, looking confused...

The guy says "Ha! you can"t play it."

The octopus says, "play it? As soon as I get its pyjamas off, I"m gonna shag it."

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My apologies if they have already appeared in these hallows forum pages before, but I don't remember seeing them....

[redpig]

Dentist - This is going to hurt

Patient - ok

Dentist - I’ve been shagging your wife