VTR1000.ORG

I love the look on people's faces, standing freezing at the bus stop as I drive past them.






It's partly why I became a bus driver....

Somebody is spreading rumors on facebook that I'm a schizophrenic.


Well, 3 can play at that game....

English men between 40 and 60 years of age will, on average, have sex two to three times per week (and a small number a lot more) whereas Japanese men in exactly the same age group, will have sex only once or twice per year if they are lucky. This has come as very upsetting news to me and most of my...

A Hotel guest calls the Front desk and the clerk answers, "May I help you?" The woman says, "Yes, I'm in room 858. You need to send someone to my room immediately. I'm having an argument with my husband and he says he's going to jump out of the window." The desk clerk says, "...

The other day I went to the Patent Office trying to register some of my latest inventions. I told the lady at the desk that I had invented a folding bottle. She asked me what I called it. "A Fottle," I said. "What else do you have?" "A folding carton." "What do you...

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich. The bartender looks at him and says, "Hang on! You're a duck." "I see your eyes are working," replies the duck. "And you can talk!" exclaims the bartender. "I see your ears are working, too,"...

Wishing all of the VTR collective a very happy and healthy Christmas from a warm and sunny New Zealand. Here's to a V-Twin 2016!

When I first noticed that my chipolata was growing larger and staying erect longer I was delighted, as was my wife. But... after several weeks, my chipolata had grown fifty centimeters. I became quite concerned. I was having problems dressing and even walking. So the wife and I went to the hospital ...

I'm seriously contemplating re marrying my ex wife again.

Do you think she would suspect I'm only after my money??

I was sitting in the hospital canteen, when the doctor came over, looking all weepy eyed.
"What's up, doc?" I asked, before tucking into my sandwich.
"I'm afraid your wife didn't make it," he said.
"I can tell," I replied. "This sandwich is gorgeous."

I walked in from work this evening to find my wife lying on the couch, naked, with her legs in the air, sliding a coat hanger in and out of her pussy. "Oh for f**k's sake, " I said. "Have some dignity about yourself and at least use a dildo or something." "Oh piss off "...

My wife told me she enjoys sex more on holiday.




That was an awkward postcard to receive I can tell you.

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. While suffering agonies on his way to his final moment, he suddenly smells the aroma of his favourite scones wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom...

I went up to this fat bird in the pub last night.
"You're a big lass, aren't you?" I said.
"Tell me something I don't know," she replied with a tear in her eye.
"Salad tastes nice" I said.